Category: Heart Matters

Sigh… I’m sure many of you know about the tragedy that hit Japan this afternoon. When I got to know about it, everything just came back to me. When you had lost someone in similar situation, you’ll definitely feel very strongly about it.

My Twitter timeline and Facebook wall are filled with all the news about it. Till now, I still can’t get myself to utter that particular word. All those videos and photos posted, I didn’t even want to click on them to watch or to see. Even news on TV.

If it didn’t happen in 2004, my life will be very different now. Then again, what is the point to think about the what-if when things are already over? Life has to move on. It’s just part of our lives.

What I’m worry now is him. He’s not likely to be in that part of Japan even if he’s in Japan for work unless… *touch wood* Then again, should I worry about him? That’s because part of me thinks that it’s over but another part of me still thinks it’s otherwise. The truth is that I’ve not been hearing from him for more than a year. No matter what, he’s still at least someone whom I know who might be caught in such situation and he lost his brother that way too. Just in case you are nosy, they are brothers. Yea right… Now you get to know a tiny bit of my current relationship status. Whatever it is, my life still goes on, as long that I don’t give up on myself, that’s the most important thing. Love yourself, no one can do that better than you.

Whatever it is, hope that everyone will stay strong and stay safe. Life is really fragile.

🙁 So disappointing… Very disappointed with myself. I really couldn’t believe what I’ve done this morning to my IELTS reading test, writing test wasn’t that good too. I think another RM550 will go down the drain again… Guess it’s not meant to be but I’m not giving up, I’m going to go for backup plan if it really happens.

Back to square one, doing all the research needed to see which path I am able to take with my current qualifications. The requirement is too high for me, don’t want to waste the time and money again. The stake is too high.

The other path might not really be what I aim for but at least I have to take the first step and work on it from there. Can’t get the best, second best will do. It’s not the end of the world. Obviously, I’m consoling myself. LOL!

Tired… Good night!

I had made a decision to pursue something next year. Then I stumbled upon a blog of a girl who did almost the same thing as what I’m planning to do. I read what she had gone tru’ and it got me thinking twice, I feel very unsure and confused now. I’m not sure am I making the right decision, is it worth it for me to spend such money for it?

With my plan, I can’t completely get what I want but at least enough to fulfill part of my dream and at least have the chance to get the other part of my dream fulfilled if I’m lucky. This is when the ego, id, and superego is taking place.

I had not committed to the decision officially but currently is in the process of doing so. Almost there, this month end will be one of it. Anyway, I guess I shouldn’t be thinking too much, just take whatever I had read as an advise or a guide. When I’m finally there, I’ll just let things go as the flow.

I can’t really reveal the whole thing yet else I might jinx it *LOL* Let just say there are already some people that knew what my plan is going to be. The response I got mostly was “you might end up getting married there” or “you’ll find someone and get married there” hahaha… Well… Maybe… I don’t know… Have to take two to tango. Not surprising with such response since that’s what many people are doing at my age now but I don’t see all these coming my way, getting married is the last thing in my mind now. Who knows suddenly I announce that I’ll be getting married *LOL*

That’s all I can tell for now. I know you are very eager to know but I really cannot reveal it until everything is official. Let’s just say you will get to know about it some where in September or before November. Finger crossed.

I miss you.
I miss the phone calls you made to me the first thing in the morning.
I miss the online chats that we had first thing in the morning and before going to bed.
I miss your voice.
I miss you teasing me.
I miss the special moments that we had.
I miss you giving some senses to me when I did something silly.
I miss your sense of humour.
I miss spending time with you.
I miss your call or came online when I least expected it.

I remember the time you called me from KL, how you got your staff to reload my phone for me as you ran out of credit and asked me to call you back. Then paid him more than the credit he had in his phone as you finished up his credit calling me.
I remember the time you went online in your office at LA, sharing your video with me.
I remember the time you would call me whenever you’re in Nishinomiya(a place that I always had problem remembering the name but not anymore) or Hong Kong first thing in the morning or chat with me at night before going to sleep.
I remember the time you called me from Perth and I called you back in the afternoon because I was curious with the number displayed on my phone.
I remember the time when you told me where you would be going for your fishing trip by showing me the maps making sure that I know where you’re going, too bad I couldn’t join you.
I remember the time when you told me how remote the place you were based in Mongolia and how bad you missed me especially it coincided with Valentine’s Day.
I remember the time when you tried to share the views from your room in Hong Kong with me by sending me photos of the night views.
I remember how you told me you want to retire early, write a book and taking up photography.
I remember the time when I was extremely down and you called me at the right time saving me from the extreme down time, I kept crying on the phone and your advices made me think clearer.

There are so many to remember but can only think of these for now.

You are the one that made me fell in love over and over again and I hope there will be more to come. Miss you HEAPS!!!