Category: Heart Matters

Actually I had composed this post for a long time but didn’t publish it and had also kept changing the content on and off, so this is not the original content. Finally I decided to post it. Let’s see you understand or got so confuse after reading it? This is the typical A,B,C,D,E… story that you usually see in magazines/newspapers column. I’m not going to respond to any comments that you post as I have no idea what to respond to you too.

Here you go… Fiction or non-fiction, go figure it out yourself.

A lost B in a tragedy. Then C happened to have feelings towards A and helped A went tru’ the lost. Then A made a stupid statement to C one day and this had made C put on so much hope on A. A was lonely and sad, C was like a wall for A to lean on.

A came to senses after going tru’ some counseling from D. A realised that there is no way A can accept C. C is only a replacement of B. A told C about it and C was devastated but still hoping. A and C have different mindsets, different expectations, different believes in life. A doesn’t feel a sense of security at all but fears and restlessness when thinking of accepting C. Not that C abuses A, it’s just that C is not what A wants. C is just a best friend to A and there is nothing more than that. All that started was because of unstable emotions.

Eventually when A regains the strength, D introduced E to A. It was just meant to get to know new friends(E is the brother of D and D is the sister of B[go figure!]). Who knows… Special feelings built within E and was interested to take it up to another stage with A. A wanted to but A wasn’t very sure as A is still having problems with C. A told E about it and E accepted the fact that A is trying to settle the problem and both agreed that let things goes with the flow.

Dragged and dragged and finally A couldn’t let it flows, there is no way to let things go as the flow. A and C must face the music eventually. It’s easy when there are no knots in between but there are tonnes of them in between that make them so hard to unknot. A is worry that things might turn ugly and there might not have any turning back, everything might crumble into pieces, there are so many knots at stack. A is confused and frustrated on what to do. A doesn’t want to loss and hurt C because C is someone A appreciates as a friend that can be trusted and a friend that helps A a lot. It’s not an easy decision. Summore A must not let E waited for too long. At the end A might lose the love of E and the friendship of C.

Till now… A is still in dilemma.

“Goes with the flow”, we tend to like to use this phrase on just about anything. I started to disagree with it when I think it from another perspective. You must not go with the flow! Opportunity comes and you just have to grab it. There is no way to go with the flow, you must jump out of the flow whenever you can, else you’ll be meeting with dead end. You will loss everything at the end. It’s the same as when you fell into a river with strong current. You should try to get out of there else you’ll be dragged even further and ended up at the end of the river where you are going to go down with the waterfall and die. So when there’s chance to get out of the river, you must get out a.s.a.p. There might not be any chance anymore.

Goes with the flow is not always good. Think twice before you decided to go with the flow.

*SHRUG* How on earth that suddenly I’m becoming so philosophical?

Happy Valentine’s Day to those love birds out there! Lengthy post ahead.

I’m curios… Really curious… So many friends got hitched, some expecting, some already have children, some got engaged, some in steady relationship… Me? I’m already 25 this year and I’m not belong to any of those mentioned! I sounded so desperate. I’m feeling the pressure now… -_-” biological clock is ticking too…*smack head*

I’m curious. Do you ever make a “plan” to yourself? The “plan” or fantasy to be exact. Things like when you want to get married? When do you want to have children? Career aside as I’m talking about relationship stuff now. *BLEK* Mind to share yours with me? I don’t want any advices, thank you. I just want to know about you. I’m sure almost everyone has/had this fantasy before or even now. Com’on, admit it!

It’s not fair that you share yours with me if I don’t share mine with you. This is my first time exposing one of my very personal stuff to you in this blog. No one knows about it before except me and Kev(my late-bf, if you still don’t know. I don’t want to talk about how he left, if you would like to know, you will have to go tru’ my previous archive, to make your life easy, it’s in 2005). DUH~ Already said that it’s personal stuff, how can I expect people to share it with me summore openly like this. Stupid… Stupid… I still hope that some will share coz some people do not see it as personal 😛

Ever since I’m in my teens, I had already drew up a “plan” on my relationship future. I want to get married when I’m 25, have children when I’m 27 and close my factory at the age of 33. Hahaha… So that’s my fantasy. I’ve been sticking to it until now but 🙁 I’m 25 this year and I’m still not in a relationship!! I’m supposed to get married this year!! OH NO… My time is up!(-_-“)

I told Kev this when he proposed to me not long after we start. We were net friend for almost a year before I agree to accept him. He asked me this at the beginning of our relationship. I told him that it’s still too early. So he asked me when do I want to get married as he’s ready anytime. So happy till can float you know? We even talked about our future such as how to raise our children, how many children we want to have, where are we living, our expectations to each other, so on and so forth. All these in the beginning of the relationship, fast huh? This is because we wanted to make sure that we didn’t waste too much time on each other if it happened that we had different expectations. In a long distant relationship, there isn’t much time to waste. Every chance that we had for each other was fully utilised to the max. Back then, I was only 22. He’s my first and serious boyfriend. I had never had any before. I’m such a good girl. Hahaha… The timing was perfect! Since we’re having long distant relationahip, dating for 3 years should be quite normal. All left now are just memories.

Now the questions:
When do you think is the best time to get married? What are the factors? Follow your guts and instincts? Or you have certain goal set such as financial stability before settling down? Goes with the flow? etc.

For me, financial security/stability is very important to me besides love. There is a phase where you are looking for love, love is all you want, you don’t care about other stuff but love, love is everything to you. After this phase is over, you are starting to look for some sort of security/stability, it can be financial, emotional, spiritual or physical. Love is important too but you will be seeking for something else besides love. I’m in the later phase now. In fact I’m in the later phase since a long long time ago.

Don’t start lecturing me! I know what you are going to say. It’s been going on and on and on like a broken record. I know that money is not everything but it’s something. Something that you can’t live without in this world. Everything is about money nowadays. I’m sure you know that women and children are not cheap, they cost you a lot of money.

One thing for sure is that no matter how rich you are, if we don’t have any chemistry between us, I’m not going to accept you. I’m not blind by money. I still let my heart do the talking. Only that the chance of having me considering you will be higher if you have more money. *EVIL GRIN* Usually I’ll be up front about this matter to anyone that express interest in me. If you can take it, you are in; if you can’t, I will advise you to find someone else.

This explains very well why I’m still single after he left. Actually my main problem is not this. There’s another problem that I’m having which I will not reveal it here. Only some people know about it. I’m not making it public. You will know when it’s solved.

I’m getting married this year? In my dream! Time is running out… Pressure is getting more and more intense… Seeing everyone taking their life to the next phase but I’m still here at the same spot.

Now… Let’s go back to the main questions in case you got lost after reading such long stuff from me:
– Do you have a future “plan” or fantasy like I mentioned just now?
– When do you think is the best time to get married? What are the factors? Follow your guts and instincts? Or you have certain goal set such as financial stability before settling down? Goes with the flow? etc.

Again, I don’t want to hear your lectures. I don’t want your advice. I only want you to share with me the two questions above.