Category: Heart Matters

Not going to update anything today but this. Meanwhile I’m compiling two recipes for the next two days update.

To someone…

I really don’t know what is wrong with me today. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m not proud with what I’ve done. You helped me with something today and I didn’t appreciate it instead I hurt you.

I was thinking of just playing with you but I didn’t expect I actually got all serious and did that to you. Maybe it’s the anger, dissapointments, hurts and dissatisfactions that I’m having for quite sometimes towards you and finally all hell broke lose today.

Seriously, I don’t know which sentence of yours that trigger such bizzare act from me. Even I tried to recall and I still don’t know how it started. From the beginning until today, we don’t even have time or even the chance to sit down and have a heart to heart talk.

I know you are very angry with me now. You might not even want to see me anymore. Maybe you are better off without me in your life as I only know how to hurt you and give you all the troubles. I don’t know… Only you will know.

What’s done is done, I can’t turn back anything. All I can say now is

Whether you want to accept it or not, it’s all up to you. I can’t say anything and I can’t force you to accept my apology too.

No matter what, I want to say thank you for all that you’ve done for me.

Please think of the consequences that I had told you. I don’t ask for more. All I want is that you understand what I’m thinking, what I’m worrying about all these while that made me acted that way.

I know I worry a lot. That’s me. Things that I worry always happened without fail. It’s not one time, many times. At the end, who was the one that helped you got tru’ all the mess? It’s me. Also, who was the one that always become the bad person? It’s me also. Not only that, who was the one that had to suffer? It’s me also! I don’t know why am I so stupid?

I had told you many times about the consequences when you decided to do this or that but you never listen or bother. You kept assuring me that it won’t happen and you just go ahead. Until at the end, I have to step in to help you with everything, be the devil’s advocate and ended up being hated by people.

For once, please take me seriously. You said it won’t happen as usual but from my experiences all these years, it did happen. How can I trust you again especially this time which related to the only thing and hope that I have?

I worry for the reasons I told you, all I hope is that you will take note of them and realised that these things can happen even though it’s not 100% as it directly affects me. If it doesn’t affect me, you think I will care so much and worry so much?

When it happens, I’m the one that will get hurt. You had hurt me enough with what you’ve done recently and I don’t want you to hurt me more. All I’m asking is please do not hurt me anymore, please take me seriously this time and ponder upon what I had told you.

I know you might not be able to digest what I had told you with your current state but you have to! You started it and you have to take the responsibility. It doesn’t only affect me but you also. You have to know how I feel before you take another leap. You are going too fast, way too fast for me to accept anything. Therefore I have to act fast to let you know all these before you go on to the next step.

I have to be selfish now, just like you. It’s for my well being. I’ve been always trying to be considerate with you but in return what do I get? All I got are your inconsiderate acts because you never think futhur, only care about what’s in front of you and jump right in.

Please… Go slow… Digest what I had told you and don’t make me go crazy and do things that have no advantage to any of us. For once, please go slow, it’s for your own good too. Going too fast will kill you fast.

I wish you all the best and if I do go crazy for no reason from time to time please understand what I’m going tru’. I am as stress as you are.

Thank you for your understanding and I really appreciate what you’ve been doing for me all these while.

Aiyoo… Kuching very quiet these days sigh… Nothing interesting happening around.

This post is composed in conjunction of the coming Valentine’s Day. A bit early?

In the previous post, someone said that I’m in love. Hehehe… If you say I am then I am, if you think I’m not then I’m not ;p If you do notice, sometimes I did slip in some messages inside my post or even in Twitter. Anyway, I notice that many people got themselves attached this year, this Valentine’s Day will sure be exiciting. This year’s will make a lot of difference to me because I’ll be lonelier because those that I used to spend my Valentine’s with all these years are now attached. Such a pity.

Whether I’m attached or not, when the time comes you will know. However, I don’t think you will see that special someone’s face in my blog but you will surely read about him.

You know, next year Chinese New Year falls on the same day as Valentine’s Day. I did mention that I might want to travel during Chinese New year, I guess next year would be a really great year to do so especially if I can do it with my someone or just spend time together, don’t have to go anywhere. *HINT HINT HINT* See! I hint so hard!! *LOL* Hopefully there will be major progress by then.

It’s time for me to plan my own life. Do things my own way. It’s not easy after so many years of relying on other people for almost everything.

As a start, I’m planning to go to Singapore on my own somewhere this year unless some other people would like to tag along but not easy to plan with other people as others have their own schedule, usually it will clash.

All I need to do is get my passport renew and whenever any offer comes, I’ll just grab it. Of course, it will have to be when I’m having my semester break(I have the academic calender to plan my holiday) and not during the time I’m having my period! Period will kill everything!

Seeing the offer of MAS, RM99 only, I wish I can book it but my passport expired already. Need to find time to renew it but I’m lazy. ARG! Lazybone ;p As long that it’s expired, I can’t book any.

Must renew, must renew!

Nothing to update… No event, no outing, no eating out… Sigh…