Month: June 2008

Continue from Chapter 9: I’m Relocating…

After the transition period, finally he started working in October 2004. I remember that his first flight with his new company was to Guam. As time went by, he got busier and didn’t contact me as much as he used to because of different time zones, the routes and roster were very different from his previous company. He’s tired most of the time and would went straight to sleep after his flight sometimes even without changing his uniform.

I didn’t get his phone calls, even not responding to my e-mails. At least he did on his MSN sometimes and we managed to chat a bit and replied my e-mails in there. One day in October, I finally got an e-mail from him. It’s rare to get an e-mail from him from Frankfurt or is it Copenhagen(don’t remember). I was so excited! The e-mail was the best e-mail ever, everytime I read it I would be in tears. According to his e-mail, he typed it quite sometimes ago but saved it in draft and decided to send it out to me because he missed me so badly. It was really touching.

After this e-mail, nothing again… Until… 25th December 2004, the e-mail to wish me Merry Chirstmas and to tell me that he’s busy, he’s in Copenhagen and it was freezing and he would contact me after 6th January 2005 which he would be freerer by then because the holiday season would be over. Also, he would be spending his new year in LA. I replied him saying that it’s the best Christmas present ever and looking forward for him to contact me.

6th January 2005, I was hoping he would call but no, not even a single e-mail or anything. I waited thinking that he might be busy. Until few days later, I got an e-mail with his name as the subject, I thought it was junk, so I sent it to junk folder but there’s a little voice that asked me to check the mail, I opened it, read it, I thought it was a prank but my hands started to shiver, my chest tightening, my eyes filled with tears, part of me still thought that it’s a prank as he told me he would be in LA for new year, how was it possible he went to Phuket!?!?

I quickly sent an e-mail to him about it. At the same time, replied to the person that sent me the e-mail. I kept reading the mail over and over again to find some clues that it’s not real. I didn’t sleep that night, I was worried, I was afraid, I’ve been crying quietly. I was hoping it’s a prank and kept praying and praying.

Next day in the office, I checked my mail and saw that person replied saying that they were still looking for him and he went there because he managed to secure leaves to go back to his hometown(Kuching) but before that he would spend 3 days at Phuket. There wasn’t a sign of him replying me. Everything shattered into pieces. It got worst when I found out that he was supposed to come here to meet me. I tried to hide my feelings as if nothing happened. I’m still trying to be hopeful that he would be found alive but sadly later that night, I got another e-mail confirming that he’s gone.

I was still in doubt, I demanded on how he was able to get my e-mail. I was told that his PDA was stored in the hotel’s safe, this is the only thing spared from the tragedy, his laptop and everything were damaged. His mother asked that person to send out e-mails to everyone in his PDA to inform them about the tragedy that hit him.

I’m glad he did keep my contact safely as I told him about my concern before. If the PDA was not in the safe, I would be in dark, I might not know his fate, I might labelled him as someone bad because he “played” with my feelings and went missing out of a sudden. I’m glad it didn’t end that way.

There wasn’t a goodbye in his last e-mail. There would never be one. The rest is history.

Here I am, sharing this with you. I thought I would finish this story without much emotions but I was so wrong. I was already in tears when I’m in the second paragraph. It’s not that I can’t let go of him, it’s just something sad, the worst thing that happened to me so far. Our relationship was brief but I learnt a lot from him. It had changed my life perspectives and things happened for a reason. We were not meant to be but I’m meant to be with someone else.

To you-know-who-you-are, if it’s not for him, we won’t know each other. You are who you are. I hope things will work out for us. I hope it will go well. Thanks for that phone call the other day. I’ve not been experiencing such warm fussy feelings ever since his dismiss. You had made my day. Miss you.