I don’t know but this is just me. It’s very hard to comprehend, very irrationale but it’s in me ever since I’m in this world. I don’t think I can ever change. You know… The kind of feeling when you meet somebody and immediately your instinct tells you that “Hmm… I like this person”/”Shit! I hate him/her” even before you get to know him/her or even before he/she utters the first word to you? He/She had never even offended you but you had already form negative feelings towards him/her straight away?
I’m this kind of person. I don’t know why. From then on, I will try to avoid being in the same place as that person or even involve in anything that related to him/her because if I do, my blood will boil without any reason and I can get really “TULAN” until I can be very hostile to him/her even boycott anything that related to him/her. So to avoid this to happen, I will stay as far away as possible with that person.
The good thing about this instinct is that most of the time, it protects me from getting hurt but sometimes the feelings will also affect those around me especially when that person is related to another person that I like. I really can’t help it. It happens to me now! -_-“
Not only that, I’m quite a revengeful person. If you hurt me, I’m going to make sure that I hurt you even more; If you are good to me, I’m going to be super duper good to you. It goes the same if you are bad to my friends or family. You hurt them, I’m going to hurt you even more. As simple as that. As a Christian, we are told to be a forgiving person but I fail miserably in this chapter. *LOL* I’m so sorry lar… I really cannot see those that are close to me getting hurt. Those that hurt my close ones stand no chance to be forgiven if they don’t change; If they do change, then I will forgive them.
You can see that these 2 traits are quite contradicting when it comes to certain scenarios. Nevermind about that, it’s very hard for me to explain. *SIGH* Due to that instinct, I guess I really hurt the other person’s feelings very badly 🙁 today. I really can’t help it! I can’t control it! What should I do? Apologize? Or act as if nothing had happened before? *SIGH*