Hanging In There…

Feeling so tired today, no idea why. It’s been very hot these days too. Not going to update much today, just some thoughts. Need to hit the sack soon.

It’s almost the end of June. Half year of 2009 is almost gone. What did you achieve? How’s the first half of 2009? Broken any resolution? Giving up on your resolutions? What’s your plan for the coming half year of 2009? Anyone of you ponder on these?

For me, I do… For the first time in my life I ponder and reflect. First half of 2009 has been tough on me. I felt betrayed and disappointed over and over again. I can see that these are going to haunt me for quite sometimes. I don’t know when will it end. Maybe only after I cut all the ties. The problem is that it cannot be cut unless some other road or way open up for me.

I’ve been on the verge on giving up on and off. Always when things seemed to be going fine this minute, then the next minute everything just crumbled into pieces. It’s tiring especially if you are feeling like this for almost half year.

Thank goodness that I have people that I can really call friends to pull me up when I’m falling. Also not forgetting the special someone that managed to “save” me when I need it, miss you heaps, hoping to hear from you soon.

I know that somebody will be extremely happy reading this as this is what this somebody wants from me all these while ever since from the beginning.

I know some of you will be saying that I shouldn’t let that somebody win by seeing me suffer, I must prove that that somebody is wrong.

Believe me, I tried but due to various circumstances there is no way I can do it. That person has been using my weaknesses to attack me over and over again. I am extremely exhausted. There is no other option for now, I have to hang in there as long as possible until another opportunity comes.

I know some of you will say that I must go out to find the opportunity and not waiting for it to come.

Trust me, I’m working on it and the result is not immediate, it takes whole lot of efforts and time and also the luck and fate. The Chinese has this saying 天时地利人和 (tian shi di li ren he), I really need this for it to work, lacking of one element won’t work. Or in other words, it takes two to tango.

All right. I must stop here now. Time to sleep, my eyes are getting blurry. Good night.