It’s the 6th month of 2009 and 2009 didn’t start out too well for me apart from some lucks in the beginning of the year and that’s it. I haven’t got any in recent months but tonnes and tonnes of uncertainties. It’s getting worst each day. It drains almost everything out of me mentally and emotionally. Some days I am positive but most days I’m very negative. I’m lacking of motivation too.
So sorry to have to let you read this post on the first day of the sixth month of 2009. I’m running out of thing to blog and I got nothing much to do even though I do have things to do because I’m not in the mood to do anything. This is the most boring Gawai I ever had.
Time like this, you wish your darling will be with you. People are crazily spending time like this with their darlings and showing off to people that they have their darlings with them everywhere they go. Yet… You… Just starring in jealousy. That’s why it is better to stay at home and face the 4 walls rather than going out bumping into those couples. I’m bitter! So what! You can’t control me for not being bitter anyway.
Sigh… Believe it or not? I spent my time playing games from 11am+ until now! Along the way, I downloaded some games also. Only these can free my mind from all the negative things and not thinking about anything.
I thought I would be able to be slightly relax after my exam but it’s oh so wrong! It’s even worst. That’s because I could ignore it and concentrate on my exam but now I have no more exam to worry about so the problem is taking up 100% of my concentration. Hate such feeling.
Still… I’m blank. Totally blank. I want to feel angry but I just don’t have the anger in me; I want to cry but I just don’t have the sadness to cry; I want to laugh but I got nothing to laugh about; I’m feeling blank… Never been so blank in my life.
I’ve been posting some emo stuffs in facebook and twitter of late. I’m sure many of you notice it. When I meet up with some people, they would ask me how am I doing in a very concerned tone or some would ask whether I’m OK or not. My answer to them is always the same, “Yeap… I’m fine. Nothing much happening. Just busy.” What kind of answer you want me to give? I can’t possibly said that I’m not fine and then start making you listen to my problems. However, thanks for your concern, at least I know that some people still care unlike some people that don’t even bother whether I’m still alive or dead!
Besides, this problem cannot be shared openly. Let me see… Only 4 people know about it but 3 of them do not have the complete story, each of them only know different part of the story. If these 3 people come together, there will be only 75% of the story. Only one person that knows everything. *wink* How I wish this person can free me from all these agonies.
Anyway, Happy Gawai and happy holiday to all of you.